Explode

Good Morning. I’m sat on the corner of Alexanderplatz in Einstein Kaffee. This is the only shop I’ve sat down to relax in because I know the atmosphere I’m getting and that’s nice for the nervous types like me. It’s comfortable. It’s safe. I was about to say there are no surprises and I am not kidding you, ‘No Surprises’ by Radiohead plays on the radio in my left ear as I write. Now, this is not some cheap lie to show my musical knowledge. I don’t actually know much Radiohead and so if I really had made it up, I’d have referenced some band I really know and love…I’m not sure if you believe in Synchronicity… omg as I type this ‘Synchronicity II’ is playing by The Police!!! Hahaha that wasn’t true. But I do believe when you’re working hard in a way that’s serving you well, you start to see a lot of coincidences, like the universe is assuring you you’re going in the right direction.

At 18 I planned to flee to Berlin in order to escape the anxiety riddling me. However, as Lana Del Rey puts it in her song, ‘F*ck It I Love You’: ‘I moved to California but it’s just a state of mind, it turns out everywhere you go, you take yourself, that’s not a lie’. Now there’s probably my favourite artist of all time. Anyway, I stuck with myself and I’m mostly under control after a few years of feeling like a bouncing ball. My decision to move here now is out of love not fear- an important distinction. I’m happy that my love for Germany lives on. Sneering at the other students who chose French and Spanish is where it all started and long may the love live on.

For the first time a couple days ago I got chuckled at when telling a Berliner of my musical desires when moving here. ‘Like everyone hereI hadn’t felt like a cliché yet so I sank a little. But listen. I’m not coming to just add to the sound of pounding techno. I’m coming to explode and let the debris hit the right people. Bis bald.

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